Kissing cherubs Dergeorge Pixabay Love 2625325_1280


Remember your first kiss?

Wherever your first romantic encounter happened, the chances are you remember everything about it…the place, the smells, the taste, what you were wearing, the feeling of lips blending, the music playing and the sense of intimacy and hope for the future. It’s fun to be romantic about that debut, but did you know it was cascades of neurochemicals in your brain that provided the experience?

It won’t take away from the mystery of love to know this, but it will help us understand why some emotions and experiences are so strong and form such lasting memories.

So what happened back then? At the first glimpse of the object of our desire, our heart beat a little faster and we may have ‘glowed’ or perspired more. That was our arousal state firing up with adrenaline. The anticipation of the pleasure and reward that drove us to engage with someone new, was induced by our friend dopamine. Dopamine also helps to embed the memory of the emotional event, especially if we keep thinking or talking about it.

The pleasurable sensations of the kiss and embrace themselves would have come from the flood of opioids that would have spurted after the dopamine. The feeling of bonding and trust that comes when we let someone be close is from oxytocin. If you felt like the kingpin or the belle of the ball, it was from the increased levels of serotonin in the brain. It operates when we feel content or a sense of position in the social hierarchy , such as having found someone to love, the chance to be a couple. Any headache or pains would have disappeared as endorphins kicked in to mask the pain.

You will have remembered this emotional event so well because, to your primitive brain, it was a life-changing event. It will have forged a strong memory pathway in your brain, reminding you of the pleasant feelings and encouraging you to repeat the behaviour again and again.

What happened next? If your sweetheart got back in touch and wanted a date, your heart would have skipped a beat all over again along with the cycle of happy neurochemicals. If however, he or she wasn’t really interested in another encounter, you would probably have produced cortisol, the stress neurochemical also linked to depression. Thinking non-stop in a manic way about the person or situation, what you did or didn’t do, would have resulted from the effect of low levels of serotonin. This is seen in obsessive compulsive disorder too.

Too much dopamine and not enough serotonin, the neurotransmitters of the brain’s “pleasure” and “happiness” pathways, respectively. Remember however, that pleasure and happiness are not the same thing. Dopamine is the “reward” neurotransmitter that tells our brains: “This feels good, I want more.” Yet too much dopamine leads to addiction. Serotonin is the “contentment” neurotransmitter that tells our brains: “This feels good. I have enough. I don’t want or need any more.” Yet too little serotonin leads to depression. Ideally, both should be in optimal supply. Dopamine drives down serotonin. And chronic stress drives down both.

Learning to be content and not be seeking a constant racheting up of stimulation is a key life lesson to learn. So is learning to manage our thoughts, fantasies and emotions.

A book by Loretta Breuning called “Happy Habits of a Happy Brain” and her website provide a helpful and fun introduction to our happy and unhappy neurochemicals.

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