There is a flaw in nature’s strategy, a bug in the system, if you like. Settling down with the first person we fall in love with and staying bonded would not help spread the genes as effectively as possible. So almost all mammals, including us, human men and women, have a built in, ancient mechanism that scientists call The Coolidge Effect. It operates to make us seek out ‘novel’ mating partners when our fertilisation job appears to be done. It works by building tolerance to, or boredom with, the same person or stimulus whose presence becomes less ‘rewarding’ to the primitive brain. Over time we just have less and less desire for the same sexual partner.
The President and Mrs. Coolidge were being shown [separately] around an experimental government farm. When [Mrs. Coolidge] came to the chicken yard she noticed that a rooster was mating very frequently. She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, “Dozens of times each day.” Mrs. Coolidge said, “Tell that to the President when he comes by.” Upon being told, the President asked, “Same hen every time?” The reply was, “Oh, no, Mr. President, a different hen every time.” President: “Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge.”
Farmers know this too as bulls will only mate with a cow once per season but go on seeking new cows in the field and thus fertilise the whole herd. This ancient programme to spread as many genes around as possible, does not fit with our more developed lives today. Religions and societies have used all kinds of strategies to get round this bug – allowing men more wives, marrying them off young and encouraging big families to keep them busy, turning a blind eye to mistresses etc.
The good news is that we don’t have to be trapped by The Coolidge Effect. We humans are smart when we put our minds to it. By learning to reduce the effects of too much dopamine in the brain and redressing the balance with more oxytocin thus reducing stress levels too, we encourage more loving bonds and connection. These are sustainable and help us flourish both individually and together. For more information on this we heartily recommend this website is www.reuniting.info.